Everyone Is A Fool, Creep

Everyone thinks of “Creep” as the premier Radiohead break-up song. First of all, the “you” and “I” of that song have never been together; it’s quite possible that the “you” and “I” of the song never even met. If anything, “Creep” is Radiohead’s premier stalker song. “Been Thinking About You,” also on the much underrated Pablo Honey is the best Radiohead song about a relationship not working out. You can hear 30 seconds of each song here if my strongly worded opinion doesn’t convince you.

If you have a time machine available, please go back to 1993 and let everyone know.

Related only in the sense I’m thinking about music, this video is great.

Brief and Wondrous Dreams

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In The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, one of the characters has a heavily symbolic dream, and the narrator says something like, “Don’t you hate it when you have dreams that are so obvious?”

Speaking of obvious, obviously it’s easier to make up those kind of dreams for fictional characters. But I can’t hate on Junot Diaz: I have obvious dreams all the time and I do hate them.

I had one this morning, and I’m still a bit shaken by it. I won’t get into details, mostly because other people’s dreams are always boring. But the dream left me feeling like something in my life was about to change. Of course, it was just my subconscious hoping that something would.

Along with being literary devices of dubious merit, obvious dreams stir up a lot of feeling. What happens isn’t real, but the emotions that come out still are. And what are you supposed to do then? Where’s the someecard for “you were a total jerk in my subconscious”?

All I Need To Know

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A childhood acquaintance who moved away after third grade befriended me on Facebook. He’s tagged in a photo that’s a picture of a framed photograph of him, some friends and Dave Matthews. That about says it all.

Seven Awkward Moments

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On the way home today, I saw a guy reading Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami, a book I’ve read by an author I like. I considered saying something, but then decided Kafka on the Shore is way too common for a Vows video feature. Plus, I didn’t even like Kafka on the Shore that much.

But some of my favorite books are so rarely read on the subway by men that I would have to say something. And since the only request I’ve ever gotten on this blog is for more embarrassing details about my life, here’s the list and my pick-up lines:

I Hope This Post Didn’t Make Your Day

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There are four foodstuffs I keep in my apartment: milk, McCann’s Irish Oatmeal, craisins and coffee. In my defense, breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

As a result, I’m a regular at Washington Food Center, a large bodega cattycorner to my apartment. A deep ingrained fear of social awkwardness usually keeps me from becoming friendly with cashiers, but since I go to WFC so often, I have developed a relationship with one of the guys behind the counter there.

He’s a Syrian immigrant; he works at the bodega from noon to midnight seven days a week. He wears a Boar’s Head sweatshirt sometimes, and in the winter, a navy knit cap that hides the fact that he is nearly entirely bald.

This might seem New-York-Times-bleeding-heart-liberal, but I’m always impressed with immigrants. These people give up their entire lives in hopes of making a better one here. And these days, the American dream involves working 12-hour days at a bodega in a changing neighborhood of Brooklyn. Their dream is pretty courageous, or at least a lot more courageous than my dream of being a writer with her own Wikipedia page.

Over the past 18 months I’ve been patronizing WFC, the Syrian immigrant and I have become friends, such good friends that he gives me bananas at a discounted rate, but holds my hand for too long when he gives me my change. One Friday, I went in there to buy a Blow Pop , and he asked how I was doing. I said I was happy it was almost the weekend. He replied, “Every day is Monday to me.” Sometimes when I go in there and ask how his day is going, he says, “You made my day, sweatheart.”

I don’t think that the salad guy who gives me extra toppings particularly likes me. Nor do I believe that construction workers who shout inappropriate comments at me are genuinely interested in becoming intimate. I’m not saying that this guy is in love with me. But for a guy who spends most of his waking hours working at bodega far from home, seeing me could very well make his day. And that is a very depressing thought.

Better Living Through Art

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In 2007, I had a plan to start writing a book while riding the subway in 2008. But come J1, I abandoned the project because I enjoy reading on the subway and I have a weak stomach. But it’s nice to know that some people are doing more than playing Pong on their way to work.

[via Gothamist]

Brushes With Glamour

Last night, I went to a supermarket to buy craisins and Drain-O. At the next family function, when a second cousin asks how I’m doing, I’ll tell them about that shopping list. Craisins and Drain-O: that pretty much sums it up.

On Re-Read

For the first time since I wrote it, I reread the short story I did for my senior English seminar in college. It almost made me cry. Not because the writing was so good, and thankfully not because the writing was so bad. That story is a snapshot of the way I thought about myself and life back then. Even with my whole life online, I still can’t tag a state of mind. The strange distance and closeness between the person who wrote that story three years ago and who I am now got to me. I wonder what I’ll think of myself now in 2011. Hopefully good things.

Becoming An Adult

I’m switching banks today. The bank I currently use is completely inconvenient, and not in a good way, like taking the Chinatown bus to Atlantic City. There are no branches anywhere; getting cash is an unpleasant urban adventure.

Switching banks will be a total pain: I’ll have to redirect my direct deposit, change my online banking preferences, order new checks, other etceteras I don’t even want to consider right now. But for about two years I’ve complained about my current banking situation as I resigned myself to it. Change comes from within, and starts with changing checking accounts.

Then We Came To The End

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Spoiler alert
: This blog post ends: That’s artistic Zen.

Suspense is a distraction. I don’t read books to see what happens to the characters; I read books to be a part of a new world.

The two greatest American novels by 11th grade standards, Huckleberry Finn and The Catcher in the Rye, don’t have significant story arcs. Where exactly Huck and Holden end up is kind irrelevant; it’s about how they get there.

Storytelling that doesn’t need a story: That’s artistic Zen.

My Favorite Bodega in New York

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The summer after I graduated college, I worked as a fact checker at [REDACTED]. My dad’s law firm was in the same building as my magazine. Most afternoons, he and I would get a snack at what he called the French Café, which was really an Au Bon Pain.

I was going to move to D.C. after the summer, and I didn’t take the job too seriously. Nor did they take me too seriously; I didn’t even have a security pass to the building.

One day in late August, I had plans to spend the evening with my friend E—. She and I had been best friends since 8th grade. Eighth grade may seem old school, but it’s not really. Second grade is old school; by eighth grade, you’re old enough to choose your friends.

That night, I left my wallet at work, and I couldn’t go back and get it. I had maybe six dollars in my pocket. E— had just started her first real job and had set up her first real ATM account the week before. She couldn’t withdraw money yet and didn’t have any cash either. Between us, we had about $10 and an entire night to ourselves in New York.

We decided to walk around the Upper West Side; no other part of Manhattan is more beautiful at sunset. After a dinner that included sampling from health food stores and pizza, we had about $3 left. I was determined to spend my portion of that money on Newman’s Own Sparkling Lemonade.

If you’re a connoisseur of lemonade in the least, you know that Newman’s Own is the best. It maintains the sour-sweet balance that is essential to good lemonade. A glass of Newman’s Own doesn’t leave your throat filled with gunk nor does it give you a sugar high. Their sparkling lemonade takes it a step further, adding bubbles without watering down the flavor. Truly, if ambrosia were mass produced by a charitable food company and turned into a drink, it would be Newman’s Own Sparkling Lemonade.

But as is the case with most of premium drinks, Newman’s Own Sparkling Lemonade is hard to find. Go into any bodega anywhere in New York and you can buy a bottle of Coke. But getting a specific, quality drink is a scavenger hunt.

Luckily, E— has never minded spending an evening searching for a juice drink. We walked into nearly every supermarket, bodega and deli from 86th and Broadway to Grand Central. I’m sure E— would have preferred if I had just bought an Orangina, and in a pinch, I would have settled for the lemon drink Orangina makes, which is quite tasty. But on this day, nothing would quench my thirst but Newman’s Own Sparkling Lemonade.

E— and I weren’t really in a rush to get anywhere. We were just walking around Manhattan, talking about nothing, everything, how before gym class in high school, girls would walk into the locker room and scream, to no one in particular, “Yo, anybody got lotion?”

Bodega owners don’t take any pride in stocking something as prosaic as a lemon-drink. When we finally found it, at a deli on 42nd and 5th, there wasn’t a sign outside advertising their wide selection of citric beverages. The guy at the counter didn’t even know how sought out his goods were.

Unfortunately, the people who own the deli did know how good their location was. At the counter, I found out the price of the drink was $2, fifty cents more than I had. Without thinking, E— opened her wallet and gave me the difference. And with a thick Korean accent, the deli guy said to us, “Good friends.”

It’s a sappy story, but a true one. Every time I go to Grand Central, I try to stop by that bodega; walking in there just fills my heart.

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Fan Fic

At the recommendation of the writing half of the Roth Brothers, I’m reading The Swimming Pool Library by Alan Hollingston right now. It’s one of the best books I’ve read in a long time. But the caveat to that statement is that I might be missing most of it because it’s also one of the sexiest. There’s a lot of it and Hollingston does an effective job of describing it.

But the book, at least in parts, is a total homoerotic pipedream. Although I was never a beautiful, young gay man living in London before the AIDS epidemic, the availability and pleasure of anonymous sex as Hollinghurst recreates it seems improbable. Every tube ride … well, I’ll leave you to make your own tube-penis pun.

But at the same time, the protagonist’s lifestyle is a real reflection of an idealized lifestyle, and Hollinghurst captures a truth about that fantasy. I can’t tell if it’s that an accomplishment less than, equal to or greater than capturing a truth about real life, but it’s still something.

Dunkin' Summer

I’ve written before about the sweet Dunkin’ Donuts in Carroll Gardens. But for the Manhattan readers, there’s also a great DD on 10th and Second Avenue with alfresco seating in the summer. This endorsement has nothing to do with their coffee, pastries or Rachael Ray. I’m just saying if you need a place to sit down for twenty minutes, it’s nice out and you’re in the East Village or Carroll Gardens, you could do worse than Dunkin’ Donuts.