I entered Radosh.net’s anti-caption New Yorker cartoon contest this week. My entry: “With a bigger arrow, this cartoon would look even more phallic.” Does it mean something that I’m not ambitious enough to enter the real contest?

Unrelated thought: If I were writing a book, I would make about-to-be chapped lips (you know, when they’re all red and puffy but look better than healthy lips) into some of sort of metaphor. I would also incorporate the sentence, “Parents and pet owners have a heightened sense of what’s interesting.” Related: have you guys heard about Clint?